The following amused me recently:

At a recent computer expo Bill Gates, comparing the computer industry with the auto industry, said, "If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

General Motors issued this response:

"If we had developed technology akin to Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics.

"For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

"Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would accept this. I would like to add that when it did restart, you would find yourself back where you had been three hours earlier!

"Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

"Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5% of the roads.

"The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

"The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?" before deploying during an accident.

"Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

"Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. I'd like to add that you would then have to spend hour upon hour reinstalling your old map books, chamois leather, cassette tapes, back support and anything else you had removed from your old car and wanted to continue to use in the new one.

"You'd have to press the Start button to turn the engine off."